String up the lights and light up the tree
We’re going to make some revelry
Spirits are high, so I can tell
It’s Christmas time in Hell.

“When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter; I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.” (You know that the State of California has a home invasion law where it’s actually legal to shoot someone just for entering your residence—and I mean perfectly legal.  Did you know that? Well, it’s true.) “Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.”

From out of the cold dark night he comes, dragged through the bitter abyss by a herd of cloven hoofed beasts, their jagged horns tearing through the winter winds.
An obese, hairy figure of pagan lore, clad in animal hides of the deepest crimson, cracking his whip with a perverse laugh—ho ho ho!
He comes with a list of children who know that bolted doors cannot keep him out.